Mary and Ministry: a reflection by Dakota Storm-Lewis

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           There is nothing like the pressure of feeling called to a life of ministry. It feels like a never-ending battle between knowing and believing. Doubts are constantly raised and feelings of being unworthy to serve God in such a way fills almost every waking moment. How can I be sure that God truly wants me? How could I even consider myself to be worthy enough to spread his word? To feed his sheep? How could I possibly lead a flock of the brokenhearted and poor in spirit when I find myself in a constant state of sin, doubt, and brokenness? We are told that those who should become teachers "will be judged with greater strictness" (James 3:1, NRSV). And what makes it even harder to believe, if it really is true, is that I'm only just a kid. A kid who makes a lot of stupid mistakes on a regular basis. What could God, the creator of our universe, the most holy being to ever have existed, want with a kid like me?
            Being so close to Christmas like we are right now means that the Nativity scene is on every front lawn, pasted on every Christmas card, and decorating every coffee table in our small little town for the next month and a half. A scene played out by beautifully painted figurines of Mary and Joseph kneeling down beside the newborn Jesus. Obviously this scene is mainly about Jesus, with him being the Son of God and all, but as I look at it I find myself wondering not about Jesus but about Mary. I find myself wondering what it must have been like to be Mary. To have the great angel Gabriel casually come to you one day and reveal to you that you are to give birth to the Savior of all mankind. That you are to conceive a son by the Holy Spirit at your young age and he will be Son of the Most High. And although she immediately says "Here I am, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word,"(Luke 3:38 NRSV), I have to wonder how she felt afterwards. I can only begin to imagine the doubts she must have felt on her way to her cousin Elizabeth's. Actually, I can imagine them quite well.
            After Gabriel departs from her, Mary is left to her own thoughts. At this point there is really nothing to confirm whether or not what she had just experienced was even real. As she packed her things and made her way to her cousin's home, it is easy for me to imagine some of the doubts she must have been feeling. Why would God choose her, a lowly servant, over a rich and powerful queen to bestow his son upon? How could she believe that God had found favor with her? What did she do to become worthy enough to bare the Son of the Most high? Was it even real? Did it even happen? I can practically see the look of worry across her face and she pondered these very questions. As she wondered why God, the creator of our universe, the most holy being to ever have existed, would choose a kid like her. How could she believe something so seemingly impossible? But when she reaches Elizabeth's house and John leaps within her cousin's womb in response to the child Mary is carrying, Mary is filled with the Holy Spirit and begins to praise God and all her doubts are laid to rest.
            Mary's song of praise is what I hope for, but it is not what I understand. That is not the Mary that I relate to. When I look at the Nativity scene on every lawn, Christmas card, and coffee table after another day filled with doubts as to whether or not I am worthy to proclaim a life of calling, I look at Mary and think of her struggles before the praise. I think of how she too must have felt this way, even if it was only for a little while. It feels strange to relate my doubts to a story of God fulfilling the impossible, but it is the story of Mary that gives me hope. It is Mary who, despite all doubts and all uncertainty, was willing to give her life over to God and become his servant even though she was just a kid. It's a story that reminds me that even though I am young and feel unworthy He can still work miracles through me. I just have to be willing. So here I am, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to his word.

Advent Prayer:
"Lord, we all have our doubts. We all have distractions and temptations that keep us away from you. But your Story gives us hope. Your Word offers forgiveness. And you constantly call us into ministry and service with you--even when we least expect it. Amid the noise in life, help us to hear your call clearly. Remind us that Christmas isn't about us; it's about YOU. And with YOU, all things are possible--even our faithfulness. Amen."


Kids Corner
Think about it: God chose Mary to do something very special in the world—to carry the Word of God into the world! But guess what? God has chosen you too! All of God’s people are called to mission and service in the world. How can you serve God and your family today?

Pray: “Here I am, Lord. I am your servant in this world. Give me the strength and courage to stand up for what is right. Amen”

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