Joseph: Through the Eyes of a Father and Foster-Father

The Whole Zedler Family

  I obviously knew of him, playing the part that he does in the story of the birth of Christ, but the scriptures don't say much about him, and so he always remained a rather vague non-entity, his personality hardly visible, unlike Mary's or Peter's or so many other figures who are more prominent in Christ's story.

Honestly, I had never considered Joseph much until I wrote this.

On a side-note, I have come to view the "child-ification" of so many scripture stories with suspicion and a certain offense.  Must we make all representation of scripture stories directed at children so sanitary?  So cutesy?  Need I say... so stupid?  What does it say about our view of a child's ability that we feel like we need to take the truths of the scriptures and clean them all up before presenting them to our children, rather than letting them grow into these stories?  What does it say about our view of the stories in scripture that we feel like we need to make them more "compelling" (read "entertaining") so that they will appeal to children?

Look at Joseph in the manger scene?  So serene.  So "put together."  He might have a big grin on his face.

The scriptures don't have to tell me that this is hardly reality.  This guy was scared out of his mind, though he very well might not have shown that to Mary.  As I thought more about this image of Joseph, in light of my own personal experience, I would wager that any stability Joseph had to offer Mary came not from his certainty that everything would turn out alright, or his knowing what the "next step" was.  In our desire to deliver lessons in piety to our children, I am sure we will want to chalk this up to obedience to God and confidence in God's will.  The scriptures indicate that this was part of the equation, but in all likelihood, much of it probably came from his love for Mary.

In the past few years, I have learned a couple of things as a father and a foster-father.  The first is that it is not easy for a man to be in a position of uncertainty when his wife and children are involved.  Joseph undoubtedly wanted to be a source of security to Mary and the baby.  That's a natural feeling that has been spoken about through the ages.  The level of uncertainty that Joseph had to deal with, both before and after the baby was born, would put a big strain on any man.

The second, and perhaps more profound, thing that I have learned is that it is not easy to commit to loving a child that you know isn't yours before you've met said child.

My wife, Joy, and I went through the process of becoming foster parents last year.  For the sake of transparency, let me make it clear that it was not my idea, and there were numerous times during the process that I hoped that Joy would forget about the whole thing.  In my desire to make things secure and safe for my family, including my three biological children, a foster child was an unknown variable.  How would my children respond once the child was here?  What medical/emotional/behavioral issues would this stranger bring with them?  What about their past?  What role would it play in our future?  Would this child love me?  Would I love them?  Would we "bond?"  All of these questions caused me to, on many occasions, wonder if I shouldn't pull the hand-brake on the whole process.

So the most I can say for myself is that, through the licensing process, I did not stand in the way of Joy's sense of calling.  I knew that she was being obedient to something, and I needed to support her in that journey toward being the person God created her to be.

I am sure that Joseph came to love the baby that was entrusted to his care, simply through the strength of shared experience, just as I dearly love the baby boy that was delivered to our door 10 months ago, and I am growing to love his sister, who has been living with us for about a month.  Time will do that, especially time with children.  But what if it was Joseph's love for Mary that caused him to first make the choice to love Jesus, just as it was my love for my wife that caused me to make the choice to love these two children that are not mine?  That tells me something about the nature of love.  It does not always have to stem from a feeling or a bond.  It can be something we act on first.  It can be something that we consciously make a decision to do.  The bond and the feelings of affection might come after.